JUDGE, JURY, EXECUTIONER: ME

I managed to not hate myself the other day after getting some pretty shitty feedback. Normally it would have sent me spiraling down a you suck hole but this time i just said - oh well not everyone can like what i do. I probably threw a few fuck you’s in there but no one needs to know that. Eventually i found my inner peace.

I have made a habit out of quitting a job the second i think it isn’t going well for me - or as i like to say - i am a pro at cutting off my nose to spite my face. I have left well paying places with no money in the bank and no plans for the future and while it has basically all worked out - i think it’s important to stay at the party a little longer than i normally do. So this time - I’m staying - and playing a different part than i originally planned.

Sorry to sound so cryptic but what actually happened isn’t as important as how i handled it. Whats that expression - it’s not what happens to you it’s how you deal with it. I am a throw the baby out with the bathwater kind of gal and I’m thrilled to be adjusting that aspect of my brain. The truth is it all falls under the same category as “it doesn’t matter what other people think of you” and while i can easily apply this to other aspects of my life i seem to have difficulty doing it when it comes to my work - which is so much more personal to me than what i wear and how I look.

So this time when someone didn’t like what i was doing - i said - cool - you do you. All good. No hard feelings. (There were some hard feelings i’m not gonna lie) But I didn’t let it make me hate my work. I didn’t let someone else’s opinion of my work change the way i feel about my work. Lord this has been years in the making. I don’t even know how I switched my brain to handle it better i just woke up and there it was. Faith in what i do. What a fucking concept.

I wish I could bottle this feeling. I wish I could teach people to stay the course in their work their creativity their art even when no one else cares or likes it. As a writer I want people to like what i read but to be honest - if no one reads my words - and many times they don’t - it doesn’t stop me from enjoying the process and it certainly doesn’t stop the benefit i get from pouring things out onto a page.

It all goes back to my social media and the most important lesson I learned which is - don’t worry about the outcome so much. Just do what you do and the rest will follow.

When it comes to your art - don’t be your own judge jury and executioner. If there’s one thing I know about the times we live in - we need art - we don’t need more judgement.